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Ask Gwen – February 9th

My boyfriend wants me to help him buy our house!

Dear Gwendolyn: I have been going with a man for eight years. He has not yet proposed, but wants me to help him buy ‘our’ house. He says that because he is not divorced, it would not be wise for him to put my name on the deed.

Gwendolyn, since I have put eight years into this relationship, do you think I should stay in it – or dissolve the relationship 100%? I want to be happy like other women who are married, but I don’t want to continue being dangled on a string. We met when I was 19. Now at 27 I think I should move on. He tells me I cannot get someone else.


Dear Juanita: Do not allow yourself to be stomped into the ground by the foolish sayings of a man – no man.

Allow me to share a story with you: There was a young lady who lived in our neighborhood who was excited about moving into a house her boyfriend had just purchased. He had her to pick out the furniture – down to the carpet on the floor and the draperies at the windows. Then, guess what…on moving day, he moved another woman into that house. The girl had a breakdown and was put into the state mental hospital facility. Last I heard she was still there and that has been years ago. Please, do not be that girl. Love can hurt so much until sometimes a woman (or a hurt man) just can’t take it.

Let me tell you this: You were not thinking. You state he is married. In that case Juanita, why haven’t you let him go? He may never get a divorce and if he does, like the lady in the neighborhood, you may not be his choice. Think about it. Men misuse women every day. I see they have gone from the three short words of “I love you” to the three letter one word of — our. (Copyright © 2012 by Gwendolyn L. Baines)

***Got a problem? Don’t solve it alone. Write to Gwendolyn Baines at: P. O. Box 10066, Raleigh, NC 27605-0066 (to receive a reply send a self-addressed stamped envelope) or email her at: gwenbaines@ and visit her website at:

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