By Talei Thompson
I was riding the Green Line train on the subway the other day, south bound headed to Bronzeville, when I noticed two beautiful sisters boarding the train. Mind you, I do have a sweet spot for beautiful voluptuous sisters but, this time it wasn’t the beauty that captured my attention. It wasn’t the dark chocolate covered skin of one, nor the sensual curvaceous figure of the other that had taken my breath away but rather, it was the topic of their conversation that had me on edge.
I was anxious to pick up on what it was they were talking about, so I listened with attentive ears as they sat but only a few feet away from me. One said to the other, “why is it that every relationship expert has got to write a book or make a movie trying to show a woman how to get a man, treat a man and keep a man? Like there’s always something wrong with us. Like all of these brothers have really got it going on and we need to alter who we are in order to get him and keep him?” “Yeah, you’re right girlfriend,” said the other, intentionally chiming in at just the right moment as the conductor stopped the train, making sure that there was as less noise as possible so that I could hear exactly what it was that they were saying. There’s almost complete silence for about 35 seconds as 3 or 4 more passengers begin boarding. It is at this very moment that the sisters decide to be the loudest, undoubtedly noticing that I’m all ears by now! I’m really ready to sink deep into my seat at this point, because I can feel that the elderly lady sitting across from me, proudly displaying her post office uniform while pretending that she’s reading that damn Essence magazine, is about ready to burst into uncontrollable laughter. She wants to laugh because she sees how uncomfortable this conversation has made me. And then there’s the sister about six seats down from us, the Chase Bank employee, she’s all ears in the nonsense too. But I kept my composure, head held high, not ashamed that I’m taking one on the chin for the fellas! I never felt so relieved to hear those sweet words from the conductor, next stop 35th street Bronzeville. Why can’t someone pen something to the brothers on how to get us, treat us and keep us?” Hmm, I wondered. The sisters got one heck of a point! Everyone’s always talking to the sisters about what it is they need to do, and they aren’t addressing the brothers.
Because I’ve been in a few relationships myself, I’ve been able to learn and grow from all of those experiences, good and bad. I’ve been able to learn what to do and what not to do. If you want to save yourself from continuous rejection, heartache and pain, take a listen to someone who has had to learn from his mistakes. So fellas here we go, even though I haven’t had much success at keeping a woman (for whatever those reasons may be), or I would have been married already, here’s my take on how to get and treat a woman. Men, at a certain point in our lives, we begin what I like to call “serious dating.” We start wanting more out of our relationships, we begin approaching dating in a more serious manner. We start looking for what is called a “Virtuous Woman.”
When you notice what appears to be a virtuous woman, you must know that the same intro/pick-up line you’ve used with other women may not work with her, she’s a different breed. You can tell she’s different by how she walks, by how she holds a conversation, by what she’s wearing or what she’s not wearing. You can’t just walk up to her talking about “What’s up Lil’ mamma, what yo name is?” You’ve got to be willing to try a more mature approach, because you’re dealing with a more spiritually mature woman than the others. A woman who’s willing to give you the time of day if can show that you’re worthy of her time!
Lesson #1, your first impression has got to be a good impression, respectful and confident. Something like “Excuse me, I don’t mean to bug you or anything but, I was wondering if it was at all possible for me to take you to lunch one day.” Start with lunch, because some women prefer for the first date to be in the daytime as oppose to the night. This allows the both of you to just talk and enjoy conversation, enjoying getting to know about each other instead of focusing on “The Night Cap.” Show her that The Night Cap is the furthest thing from your mind even though, for most of us, it’s the first thing on our minds from the moment we meet her. Just make sure you’re coming correct when you open your mouth to her for the first time. When you do approach her in a respectful way, she’s either interested or she’s not. If it appears that she’s not interested then, try a tad bit of persistence. Mild persistence will get you a long way. A woman likes to know that her man isn’t quick to throw in the towel. If she sees that you’re persistent during this first encounter then, she’ll believe that you can be persistent in trying to attain your dreams and goals for the benefit of the both of you later on down the road!
Lesson #2, find out what she likes to eat and what are some of her favorite restaurants. Make sure she gives you a few options because she may just say a particular restaurant that you may or may not be able to afford. Once you decide where you guys are going out to eat, go to the place by yourself, without her. This gives you the chance to get familiar with the place, the menu and the staff. If it’s a busy place, then you may have to make reservations even during lunch time.
We’re almost home guys, we’re almost done with learning how to get a woman. The last and final thing- Listen, listen and listen to her some more. Women like a man who knows how to listen. Listen to her likes and dislikes, what she loves to do during her spare time. Listen to her aspirations and goals, how she seeks to be a better person. Now you’re on the right foot, this should definitely get you a second, and maybe even a night cap!
Next time, we’ll discuss ways on how to treat her! Until then feel free to join in on my Relationship Conversation every week on My Facebook wall!